Can You See It?

Sometimes on clear days we can see Puerto Rico from our house.  There’s about a ninety mile stretch of open water between us and them, and if the clouds are somewhere else and the humidity is low, we can see the coastal outline on the horizon.  It’s one of those cool things that happen – like glimpsing a shooting star or enjoying the rare appearance of a deer in our yard – a gift of sorts.

Saturday, we could see it – and it was so close!  Now in my rational brain, I know that the two islands do not move and that we are always the same distance apart, but that isn’t what my eyes took in.  On Saturday, Puerto Rico’s coastline was much nearer to us than usual.  Defined, distinct, sharp.

Puerto Rico from our house

So I’m thinking: Is a comparison of feeling God’s presence and the vision of Puerto Rico valid?  Whether I can see my far-away neighboring island or not depends on several circumstances. Some I have no control over: clouds, humidity, light, weather.  Some I do have control over: I have to go outside and look.  Is it the same for seeing and feeling God’s presence?  Definitely I do have some control over that: I need to be open to His call and listening for His presence.  But I wonder? Is it all up to me? During those times when God doesn’t feel close and I can’t see Him at all, is it because of me or is it because of circumstances outside of me?

I know I’m not the only one who asks this question. Psalms is full of chapters seeking God and not feeling His nearness. Since the hurricanes, things have not been easy and I’ve wondered what I’m doing wrong.  I’ve spent a lot of time in prayer and study, but there continues to be an aloneness in my soul that I can’t seem to banish.  It’s not that I doubt God – I don’t.  But I’ve spent a lot of time doubting myself. I’m standing outside, facing west, why can’t I see Him?

Before you start to worry, please know that I’m okay – because here’s where hope rescues me.  Even on days when clouds are in the way or nights when darkness cuts off any chance of a good view, I don’t feel totally isolated because I know that, just like Puerto Rico, God is there whether I see Him or not.  I am standing on Bible passages  (like Habakkuk 3: 16-19, Psalm 91:14-16, Matthew 8:23-27) written by people much wiser than I, knowing that this, too shall pass.