A few weeks ago I wrote about my fish, Filaya. Well, yesterday I bid a fond adieu to my little finful friend. Since we are moving at the end of the month, to warm and beautiful St. Croix where I will be able to swim with amazing fish of many colors any time I want to, and it really isn’t possible to carry my fish with me on the plane (if I expect him to survive!), we found dear Filaya a new home. His tank, his rocks, his bubbly home and trusting nature all now belong to Connor. He will take care of Filaya – though I heard talk of changing his name… and Connor was was happy to befriend my friend.
I am glad about this transfer. Connor is the young son of a dear friend, and he will enjoy the company of my little fish. I am happy that we are one more step towards getting moved.
But. This morning when I walked into the office to turn on the computer, Filaya wasn’t there. I know it is silly to admit this. But I am grieving a little. Over a fish.
I have looked forward to moving to St. Croix for several years. We have prayed about it and worked toward this goal. Thanks to God, it is all coming together and it looks like in exactly four weeks from today I will arrive home on my island as a permanent resident. I am so excited and happy and elated.
But. Every time changes occur – whether small or large, every time I move from one place to the next – there is a trade off. I love moving. I love, as my son describes it, “Reinventing myself”. But I also know the cost. I know that moving forward means leaving behind. With elation there is loss, with excitement there is fear. Maybe it is the unknown and the challenge that calls to me and prompts me to take part in the reinvention, but the dear and the familiar have a strong hold as well, and the leaving hurts proportionately with the joy of arrival.
We have four weeks left. In that time I have dozens and dozens of things to do. I have lists and calendars and more lists to help me accomplish it all. The business of going will keep me moving. In the next four weeks, I want to treasure every smile from friends, every hug, every moment, so that I can take them with me and keep them forever.
