Choices

Posted on March 23, 2020 by Donna Coulson

I don’t want to talk about the Covid-19 elephant in our rooms.  I’m tired of all the attention that creature is getting.  What I want to talk about today is choices.  We make a million choices every day, some with intention, some as habit or routine, some after long consideration, some on the spur of the moment.  Let me suggest that since we currently have fewer options, maybe we should slow down and become more intentional and more aware of the choices we have and the choices we make. 

I went to the store this morning. I wasn’t eager to go, but I needed printer paper.  (No, not for that! I really needed it for the computer, hopefully it won’t come to using it in creative ways!)  I picked up a few other things.  Here’s what I noticed: many people being especially kind to others and smiling more, saying good morning, meeting eyes even while keeping a safe distance.  Another group of people (thankfully a smaller group) who grumbled at the lack on the shelves, who kept their eyes down, who seemed afraid to interact or smile.  I’ve noticed the same divisions on social media and in my remote interactions with others.  Most people are looking on the bright side, sharing jokes, posting pictures of flowers and beautiful things.  Others, though, are venomous and noxious.  Griping about the stress of spending time with their own children, seeing and sharing only the gloom, spreading fear and anger, criticizing authorities, blaming, judging, and accusing.  In honesty, yesterday I made the choice of letting the negative people in my sphere of life weigh me down.  By the end of the day, I felt anxious and didn’t sleep very well.  That gloom in my head persisted this morning.

Until.  I made the choice to notice that the sun is shining and the sky is beautiful.  I chose to smile and greet people at the store.  I chose to look up and see the kindness in the clerk’s eyes and tease with the couple in front of me who had snagged the last four-pack of toilet paper.  So, I urge you, if quarantine is making you antsy, look around.  God, while we don’t always understand His choices, is in control and loving us.  Our isolation and the threat of ‘the elephant’ are not the beginning of a new and permanent normal for our lives.  THIS, TOO, SHALL PASS.  The choice of what you do with this season is completely yours.  Be aware, though, I am going to be much more intentional about my own choices, and I will not let those who choose poorly to negatively affect me again.

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Quarantine Lists

Posted on March 16, 2020 by Donna Coulson

As of this morning, Karl and I, like pretty much everyone else in America, began a bit of a detour on our life path.  Yup, we are self-quarantining.   We made one last dash to the store this morning, to get eggs and potatoes and to stare longingly at the empty TP aisle, then to the home improvement stores to stock up on the really important stuff: some shelving boards and some waterproof paint.  Now, we are home for the duration.  We have each other, we have plenty to eat, we have a warm, comfortable home, and we have a God who loves us.  (And so far, we are healthy!)

The other thing we have is a list. Each. They are lists of all the things that we can accomplish and do during this ultimate and intimate time of ‘sheltering-in-place’.  Honestly, the home body in me is doing a little dance in my head at the thought of not going out and having time to be still and do what I want without thinking, I should….

Before we made our lists, we talked about the danger of cutting ourselves off from the outside world with little to no contact except that which is provided by the internet and TV. We considered the pitfalls of just laying around reading or binge watching TV or letting ourselves get restless and bored. (Not the least of which was another five pounds.)   We talked about how dangerous marinating in the news and worrying about infections and recessions and the potential of feeling victimized, or angry, or helpless.  So, we made lists. 

Mine is pretty long.  It’s filled with craft and sewing projects, some studying I want to do, and reaching out to people I don’t make time for during my ‘regular life’.  Here’s my hope: by being forced onto this detour – slowed down from our normal pace and conscripted to the perception of more time on our hands, I hope we learn something.  All of us. Learn about priorities and choosing carefully, and figuring out ways to love others. 

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Happy Pi day!

Posted on March 14, 2020 by Donna Coulson

With all the fear mongering and anger we are exposed to on the internet and media, I just want to say: Don’t overlook your blessings and don’t let yourself miss the beautiful in our world.

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Do you want to get well?

Posted on March 9, 2020 by Donna Coulson
OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

All the hype about coronavirus and health issues make me think of Jesus’ actions at the pool called Bethesda in Jerusalem.  According to John 5, that pool was surrounded by “a great number of disabled people” who waited for the water to stir, then tried to be the first one in the pool to be healed.  I’m trying to picture the scene.  A large number of sick and broken people arrive, healed people walk away. Enter Jesus.  He notices one person out of all the rest.  A man that had been there for thirty-eight years.  That’s a long time to sit by a pool.  No doubt, Jesus had seen him there before.  Jesus asked the man one question, “Do you want to get well?” After that many years it’s a valid query.  Are you satisfied with our infirm life? Do you like sitting here, gabbing with your friends and hanging out, living the life you’ve chosen and known for nearly four decades, or are you serious about getting well? The man’s answer is a puzzle.  You’d think he’d shout, “Yes, yes I do!” but instead he sort of whines, telling the Creator of the Universe that he doesn’t have anyone to help him.  I can imagine Jesus’ reaction.  A roll of the eyes, a shake of His head, a mirthless chuckle.

What happens next is also a puzzle.  Jesus tells the man to get up, pick up his mat, and walk.  He does it. He’s not walked in at least 38 years, but he gets up, has enough strength to pick up his bed roll, and walks. (There’s no mention of joy or dancing or saying thanks.) And what is the reaction at the pool?  Other Jews are ticked because the man was breaking the Sabbath by carrying his mat.  Seriously?  John says that Jesus slipped away into the crowd but later found the man again at the temple and told him, “See, you are well again.  Stop sinning or something worse may happen to you.” Again, there’s no dancing or thanking or celebrating. Instead the man runs (maybe just walks, he’s already had an eventful day) to the Jews to identify Jesus.  I’d like to talk to the man who was healed.  Ask him if he was glad, if he used his newly given health wisely. I wonder.

How often has God offered healing to me, to us?  How often have I been perfectly happy wallowing in my misery and not really very motivated by the prospect of healing?  How often have I squandered a second (or third or twentieth) chance to make good choices? 

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Voices

Posted on March 2, 2020 by Donna Coulson
My dad.

There’s a country song called Voices by Chris Young that I like.  The gist of the song is that the singer ‘hears voices’ of his parents and others, giving him good advice.  Well, thanks to some old cassettes and the digital endeavors of my daughter (thanks, Hillary!), I also am hearing voices.  Years ago I taped my father and grandmother telling family stories. I hadn’t heard those tapes in a very long time, but now they are only a click away. In addition to my dad and gramma, there are recordings of my children when they were little (hearing Hillary hiccough at age 3 weeks and Sam in a radio interview when he was 8 are just so sweet!), piano recitals and band concerts and even Karl and my wedding vows.  Precious. 

My Gramma, before her hair was white and I knew her.

At some point I’m sure I will listen intently to all those recordings again to concentrate on the content of the stories, but for now, the very best part is just the ability to hear those voices.  To once again be surrounded by my dad’s gruff, low voice, or hear Gramma’s cackling laugh, I can’t describe the joy of it.  When the sound of a loved one’s voice is quieted, stilled because of death, or distance, or even anger, the quiet that ensues is immense.  The emptiness gathers in my ears and seeps, like a cold fog, into my heart and my thoughts.  To me, grief comes in the silence.

I never heard Jesus’ voice here on earth, and while I’ve seen God’s leading and often feel His presence, I haven’t heard Him, either.  There’s an empty space inside of me that can only be filled by His voice, and I look forward to the day it will be filled.  In the meantime, I’ll study His written word and be thankful for the daily ways I am assured God is near. I’ll let myself be satisfied with that.  And I’ll wait.  I’ll look forward to that cool day when His voice is in my ears and fills my soul.

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Claws and Babies

Posted on February 18, 2020 by Donna Coulson

Just recently the governor of New York, Andrew Cuomo, signed into law a ban on de-clawing cats. He stated that “by banning this archaic practice, we will ensure that animals are no longer subjected to these inhumane and unnecessary procedures.” Huh.  That same governor, just last month, also signed a new bill into law that protects abortion and infanticide.  His comment on that one was that “we are sending a clear message that whatever happens in Washington, women in New York will always have the fundamental right to control their own body.” Huh. What happened to concerns about inhumane and unnecessary? Please, just take a minute to ponder and appreciate the ultimate irony (among other things) inherent in those two laws. 

I have owned and loved four house cats.  I have had all four of them de-clawed.  I did this to protect my furniture and curtains and to enable my cats to live happily in harmony with their humans. You are welcome to come over and watch Shoot the Kitty play and romp and run through my house, and by doing so you will see that she is happy and healthy.  Losing her claws was not and is not something that seems to bother her or slow her down.  It keeps the peace between feline and human and if anything it helps me love her more.

Sixteen years ago today I had the awesome honor of watching my daughter give birth to her first child.  Often I picture that scene: the hard work – labor –  of birth, the unbridled joy at seeing perfect, tiny ears and marveling at the wonder and detail of this complete but miniature person full of personality and energy.   At what point exactly did that child become a person, the vessel holding a soul?  I can guarantee that it was long before that moment of birth.  It was long before the ultrasounds that showed arms and legs and beating heart.  The Bible says that God creates our souls: Psalm 139:13 – “You created my inmost being” and that God’s eyes “saw my unformed body”. How can we as a nation, as a culture so quickly protect the claws of a kitten but kill human beings?  It’s something that troubles me and makes me sad.  I pray for all the babies that weren’t welcomed, weren’t loved.  And, I say Happy Birthday, Riley.  Your gramma loves you!

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Knee Surgery

Posted on February 10, 2020 by Donna Coulson

Karl is having knee surgery this afternoon.  In the grand scheme of things, it isn’t a major concern…two small incisions and a few snips of his meniscus.  Oh, I know that I’m ignorant completely about the procedure and what it entails, but we’ve been assured by our able and knowledgeable doctor that he can handle it.  So, we are willing to let him.  Interesting.  We’ve met the man twice.  I don’t know his middle name, I don’t know if he’s married or has kids. I don’t know what motivates him. Not sure if he goes to church or if he likes ketchup on his fries.  In what really counts, the man is a stranger.  Yet, by virtue of his credentials, we are willing to trust him to invade Karl’s body with sharp instruments with the hope and assurance that Karl’s knee will feel better afterward.  Hmmm.

As I sit here this morning, I can’t help but see the lesson, and the irony, of this situation.  So often I have trouble trusting God.  I have trouble saying to Him, ‘Thy will be done.’  I am well acquainted with God’s character – His faithfulness, His power, His unmitigated love for me.  I know His desire to draw me to Himself.  I know these things because the Bible reveals God’s truth and also because I have felt and seen His faithfulness in my life. I am convinced, because I have seen it over and over, that He intends only good for me. I KNOW God, yet I struggle with trust. When God asks me to endure pain or hardship so that I can grow and heal, I rebel, I resist. But when a stranger with a diploma on the wall tells me he’s going cut into Karl’s knee, cause pain, and require therapy afterwards, I nod and say okay.  Yikes.

Later today, I’m going to sit in a waiting room, waiting to hear the results of this procedure.  But, instead of putting my trust in our doctor, I’m going to concentrate on trusting the Great Physician instead. 

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Stand

Posted on February 3, 2020 by Donna Coulson

I’ve most likely read Ephesians 6 two hundred times or more.  It’s such a great, visual passage.  Can’t you see the clothing we are to put on?  Helmet, Kevlar vest, utility belt, steel-toed boots, carry a shield and a shiny sword.  We are to actively and intentionally put on these garments.  Dressed, we become the epitome of conquerors.  Protected, ready.  But, ready to do what?  Here’s the total surprise in this passage.  It doesn’t tell us to dress and then go out and attack.  Lately as If read this passage it has become clear to me that there is to be no aggression.  We aren’t dressed in God’s armor with attack in mind.  Nope.  Look closely and you’ll see what I mean.    The only jobs that we are given in this passage after donning the armor are these:  readiness for peace, putting out flames aimed at us, and to stand.  Stand?  Really?  I’m dressed in all this cool gear and all I’m supposed to do is stand?

That’s the rub, isn’t it?  Because standing your ground when the world is attacking seems cowardly but is actually really difficult.  It’s easier to be mad and retaliate or roll up into a little ball and surrender.  It’s definitely more satisfying to lash out.  Standing is harder.  Can be impossible. Just ask Chick-fil-a, who have had some trouble lately holding their founder’s beliefs in the face of assault. Just ask the United Methodist Church members who are choosing to split their denomination as opposed to give in to wrong.  Go ahead, ask Franklin Graham.  He was attacked in recent days for scheduling a tour in Europe.  A group is trying to ban him from speaking, calling him a hater.  Yes, Franklin Graham knows a lot about standing this week.  He didn’t lash out.  He didn’t back down.  With quiet, confident love he wrote an open letter to the group, telling them the Good News of Jesus’ love, forgiveness, and offer of salvation.  He assured them that , “ I’m not coming to the UK to speak against anybody, I’m coming to speak for everybody. The Gospel is inclusive. I’m not coming out of hate, I’m coming out of love.”

Stand.  Just stand.  State The Truth (as opposed to my truth or your truth) in gentle boldness.  Then just stand and know that God is God, he is eternal, He is powerful, and that He’s already won.

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Prayer

Posted on January 27, 2020 by Donna Coulson

In my devotions lately I’ve been reading a book called The Life of Christ in Stereo.  It’s the four gospels combined into one cohesive narrative of Jesus’ life.  I’ve read and studied it already several times through the years, but this time, I have one focus: to examine Jesus’ character traits.  I’m thinking that if I’m supposed to be like Jesus, then I should seriously investigate what that means.

Many traits have impressed me –  Jesus’ patience, His willingness, His ability to listen.  This is where I am challenged to grow.    Something else has become clear as well. When He’s dealing with individuals, Jesus doesn’t plead, he doesn’t nag.   He simply tells the Truth and allows each person to decide for themselves how to respond.  The creator of All, who brought our world and our existence into being with His Will and His breath, lovingly gives the Facts and then waits.  He trusts.  And He does one other thing. He prays.  My prayers can sometimes feel like a last resort.  When I can’t control something or accomplish what I think is necessary, then I pray.  I don’t get the sense that Jesus approaches prayer like I often do.  He is intentional with His prayer time and His prayer.  He is confident that He is being heard.  He is bold and honest.   That’s who I want to be when I stand in front of God in prayer. 

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Contentment

Posted on January 20, 2020 by Donna Coulson

Philippians 4:13 is a verse many Christians recite and rely on, and I am surely one of them.  “I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.”   I love how this verse has empowered me.  There have been times in my years when I’ve interpreted that verse as a sort of endowment of superpowers: my translation has been ‘I can accomplish nearly anything as long as I hold on to God in faith.’  The verse has felt like a red suit and cape, instilling resilience, courage, and power to vanquish hardship and challenge.  Look out world, I’m strong and I will conquer!

A young Superwoman with her dad, 1975.

Now, though, I’m changed from that young, energetic woman who embraced the tights and cape –  I’m aging – things ache that didn’t used to, I have new wrinkles, I’m more aware that days are numbered.  Life feels hard more often. Anger and disappointment abound in our world and touch me more frequently than I’d prefer. Griefs and sadnesses assail, and this I do not like.  In defense, I spend more intentional time reading the scripture.  Naturally, in search of my lost wonder-woman status, I’ve returned to Philippians 4.  But this time, I’ve taken the bold step of reading the verses that surround verse 13

In verses  11 and 12, Paul isn’t talking about superhuman accomplishments.  He describes normal life – in need and with plenty.  It is in THAT context Paul says he can do all things.  Hmmm.  Now I have a new understanding.  Paul isn’t talking about being bullet proof and able to stop trains.  He says, “I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation.”  Contentment.  Contentment?  At first I chafe: contentment is cow-like and inactive.  Fat but not sassy.   But the more I ponder this, the more sure I am of a new idea – there’s a different, perhaps stronger and deeper kind of power in this new perspective for me. Earlier, in Chapter 3, Paul explains the key of being thankful and living with and in Jesus. With this in mind, being content in every situation doesn’t mean complacency or inactivity but it does mean giving up control of the outcome and finding peace in the journey.  Contentment means accepting that I might not be bullet proof because I know I’m still safe.  

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